Ireland Brings Home the Gold…In Rock, Paper, Scissors!
It came down to one shake. One final match for eternal glory.
But through all the sweat and tears, the hard work finally paid off, as Ireland came away with the gold…In ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!
Yes folks, Ireland’s Mark Cleland can now say he has the quickest reflexes and uncanny ability to outwit his opponent in a game of threes. Or, at the least, he just has the most luck out of his competitors. After jumping out to an 8-2 lead over Sebastian Gatica of Canada, Gatica kicked it up a notch and brought the pain to Cleland. After a hard fought battle, Cleland came out on top to win 10-9, making all the redheads in his country proud.
But don’t worry, the U.S. didn’t walk away without a medal. Sean “Wicked Fingers” Sears slammed Guam in the bronze medal match.
I, on the other hand, am not satisfied with third place. I think we should put together a committee, led by Jerry Colangelo, to round up the best team of competitors. I want the U.S. to bring dominance to the sport of Paper, Rock, Scissors!
And through the next four years, maybe HBO will put together a Hard Knocks series to witness the training of greatness. Hmm, I also for some reason picture a tournament like this to be a feature film starring Ben Stiller and televised at midnight on “The Ocho.”
