Home & Garden Blog » Holiday Spotlights

The Morning After: A Post-New Year’s Survival Guide

brock — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 17:00:56 +0000

You wake up Saturday morning with a ginormous headache and a house filled with passed out friends and neighbors and, if it got really rowdy, an ’87 Chevy Nova may or may not be parked in your living room. As the homeowner, you now have the responsibility of containing the carnage before it spreads into the outside world like some kind of drunken zombie outbreak. What do you do? What do you do?

Don’t worry, folks. I have weathered many New Year’s Eve parties and am here to give you the tools you need to not only survive, but to thrive.

1. Basic self first aid: When you first wake up on Saturday morning, you are going to need to be as close to 100 percent as possible. Given the 37 Jell-O shots you had in the night, as well as the shots of some unknown liquid that smelled like bathroom cleaner, you are probably feeling about 5 percent. Go to the kitchen or bathroom, drink a cool glass of water and take some pain relievers to help with your head. If you can walk in a straight line without falling over, then you are ready for step 2.

2. Search for survivors: Do a room-to-room search and try to wake up everyone you find. You may have to look in some strange places, like cupboards and dryers, because when people get drunk, they do some pretty off things. If anyone is naked, then make them put on clothes. Make sure to tell them that their other choice is going outside in their birthday suit, and you don’t want to explain that to your neighbor. Once everyone is awake, get them out… by car if they are sober and by cab if they aren’t. If there was a designated driver, then find him and remind him of his duty.

3. Begin domestic triage: You are now alone in your home; I will affectionately call it a war zone. You should have purchased extra boxes for recycling, because you are going to have much more glass and aluminum to recycle than normal. Pick up everything and put them in the boxes and set them out on the curb. You will likely get a few looks from your neighbors when they see the 34 boxes of recycled alcohol bottles and cans. Eh, they’ll get over it, and you’re doing a favor for the environment.

4. R&R: The house is clean, everyone is out and you have earned yourself some rest, i.e. sleeping it off. You should wake up several hours later feeling at about 50 percent. What do you expect with what you drank? I hope you have a great New Year!

Holiday Safety: Don’t Spend Christmas in the ER

brock — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 17:00:53 +0000

Odds are that some, if not most, of the people will begin their Christmas sojourn today via a long drive or a trip to a friend’s Christmas party. Christmas Eve is notorious for sending people to the ER for falls and other calamities, so here are some tips to keep you safe this season.

1. Watch the walkways: Ice is perhaps the most dangerous natural phenomenon that can put an early end to Christmas celebrations. Make sure your walkway is well salted with rock salt, or at the very least, use sand or cinder to gain traction. Make sure to keep an eye on the ice when you walk across on the way to the car. If you’re the host, then please, use a doormat.

2. Don’t be afraid to take an extra trip: Humans are naturally impatient, and we will do anything we can to consolidate how many trips we take to the car. That includes piling presents to the point where we can’t see anything. We assume that since we have been taking this route to the car day in and day out for years that a seven-foot-high present tower won’t keep us from it. What ends up happening is you fall and the presents go flying everywhere as do you. Here’s a thought. Only take a few presents at a time and just keep going back. A few extra trips will be less time than a ER visit.

3. Don’t drink too much eggnog: It’s easy to get a little crazy at a holiday party. Eggnog is often spiked, and drinks of various forms are flowing freely, but it is important to drink in moderation and to choose a designated driver. You want your Christmas to be remembered for the fun memories and not for embarrassment and tragedy.

4. Take it slow: Winter can be a treacherous time on the roads, and people will be out in droves traveling from place to place. It’s important to take it slow and to keep an eye not only on the road, but also on the other drivers. Roads can be covered with ice and you may not know it, so just slow down and be careful.

Make this holiday season a safe one so you can enjoy friends and family outside of a hospital environment. They want you to be around for a long time, so please take the time to be a little extra careful this season.

Image Source:flickr.com/photos/betsyweber/2355138776

Holiday Decorating: The Dilemmas That We All Face

brock — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 18:04:13 +0000

When the holidays come around, my thoughts turn to decorating my home and tree for Christmas. My mind recollects what’s in the attic, what I saw in the stores and what kind of homemade goodies I can help create with the kids. There is so much out there that it’s easy to get frustrated over what to buy, so here is a little help for those caught in the decoration dilemma.

1. Garland versus tinsel: I like to call this the dilemma of the control freak versus the free spirit. Garland is like a chain in that it can only do so much. You can wrap it around and make specific shapes, but it’s a very specific and controlled process. Tinsel is like a hippie version of garland. You can frolic around the tree or home throwing tinsel about haphazardly and it looks good wherever it falls. I love tinsel and am not a big fan of garland. If you are into control and being precise, then garland is your best bet, but if you like the idea of a more free decorating experience, then go with the tinsel. My one caveat is that children will pull down garland, but they will eat tinsel. Tinsel and small children are not a good idea unless you want to see shimmering poop in a diaper.

2. Plastic versus glass ornaments: When my wife and I first got together, we bought all those glass bulbs that shimmered in the light. We had the standard red, green and blue, but we also bought the more expensive decorative ones whose glass was so thin that the slightest tremor could break it. We learned our lesson after a few years and completely gave up the practice when the kiddies came along. I grew tired of going into the attic and finding shards of colored glass at the bottom of the box and needing bandages by the end of the evening. Glass and kids are two things that should never go together. Unless you have steel cage surrounding your tree, keep glass anything away from kids. Plastic does quite have the same feel of glass, but ultimately, it’s the safest and least expensive alternative.

3. Window decorations: As a child, my family had the same hard, spiky plastic reindeer and snowmen that they taped to the windows every year. These decorations were so hard and sharp that I was usually injured by them at least once a year. The other type was your straight cardboard kind, and then there are the window clingers. Plastic, hard, spiky window decorations will last forever. After a nuclear holocaust, the only things left will be cockroaches and plastic spiky window decorations. Cardboard decorations are safe for children, but you won’t get more than a couple Christmases out of them before they get bent, wet, ripped, etc. Window clings retain their shape and don’t require tape to put up. The only drawback is they have a tendency to become adhered to the window, requiring a paint scrapper to get them off, or they fall off several times during the year.

Decorating for Christmas isn’t easy, as stores develop more types of decoration that move, light up and sing to you. My best advice is to not go overboard. The holidays aren’t about being the best and brightest house on the block. They’re about celebrating family and friends and remembering that there is good in the world and in people.

Image Source: flickr.com/photos/horiavarlan/4273200347

Real v. Fake Christmas Trees: The Annual Decision

brock — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 17:00:29 +0000

Many families around the country get out the tree and decorate the day after Thanksgiving, but the conundrum I have every year is this: Do I go for the traditional real tree, or do I break out the old fake tree in the attic?

I admit that when I was growing up, my family had a real tree every year, and when I became an adult, that’s exactly what I wanted. When I first got my own apartment, I got a real tree and it was great, but when the kiddies came along, I changed my mind and switched the fake out, concerned mostly for them.

Real Tree: Pros

A real tree is an experience. You go out to the tree farm or store and either cut down or pick out the perfect tree for you. There are hundreds of trees to choose from and each one is different.

It’s a natural air freshener. That pine smell will permeate through the house to create the perfect Christmas atmosphere. There is something special about the smell of pine and seeing the presents under the tree.

Real trees are just fuller. Unless you spend a hundred dollars or so on a fake tree, you cannot compete with the fullness of a real tree. Each tree has a special character that you can’t get in something manufactured.

Read Trees: Cons

Spiky needles of doom: There is nothing more dangerous than the thousands of spiky needles of doom that cover these trees. Sure, they are nice and soft the first week, but by Christmas morning, they are mini harpoons ready to puncture the fingers and toes of little children… and big manly men, as well.

Sticky sap of annoyance: It’s no wonder dinosaurs are stuck in this stuff. Tree sap from a pine tree gets stuck to everything. Your hands and clothes get covered in the stuff, and it doesn’t want to come off.

Disposal: Pine needles everywhere. Nuff said.

Fake Tree: Pros

Put Up and Put Down: A moderately priced tree takes about 10 minutes to put up and 10 minutes to take down. It may not look the greatest, but at least it’s up.

Cost: You can buy these for a relatively low price and then reuse it every year. No more new trees every year and, if you want, you can just keep the lights and ornaments on it and stick it in the attic. (Not that I have very done that.)

Fake Tree Con

In my opinion, there is only one major con to a fake tree. Despite its cost and east, it’s not, no matter how much it wants to be, a real tree.

Image Source: flickr.com/photos/gracefamily/2133916296

A Black Friday Routine

brock — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 17:00:50 +0000

Tomorrow thousands, if not millions, of people will be trampling over each other to get the best deal on things they never really wanted in the first place. While there have been many articles written about the shopping experience, people seems to have forgotten that pre-shopping preparations that you can do to make your departure that much easier.

The Perfect Breakfast: High in protein and fat to keep that energy going. Start off with bacon, eggs and sausage and eat your fill. You may not get the opportunity to stop for lunch, so you will need to eat as much as you can to keep your energy up. Don’t forget the carbs like toast, pancakes and muffins to get your energy levels high right away.

Dress: You need to maximize your time in the morning so get your clothes out the night before as well as taking a shower. You won’t be 100-percent clean, but odds are you are going to be sweating and an odor might actually help you in your shopping. A stinky armpit may be the only thing that will get you that $3 coffeemaker.

Tactical Conversation: Discuss your plan of action over breakfast, planning where you are going to go and when. You should have spent Thanksgiving evening in a partial turkey coma, but during your periods of consciousness, you should have been going over the sales fliers from Wednesday’s paper. I am sure there are hundreds of deals that you can prioritize by store.

On a completely different topic, today is Thanksgiving, and hopefully, you are indulging on copious amounts of turkey and stuffing and thinking of all the things you are thankful for. I am thankful for my children and my wife who are my world. I am thankful for being able to stay at home to work and enjoy my children growing up.

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?

Image Source: flickr.com/photos/drnewton/2057157132

Christmas Humor: How to Annoy Your Neighbors

brock — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 18:17:21 +0000

We all feel the peer pressure to decorate for the holidays and to put out our best beat-your-neighbor lights and animatronic reindeer. Pretty soon our yards look like winter wonderland exploded and we still do even more the next year.

I say, why bow down to decorating peer pressure? Go the opposite way, and see just how mad you can make your neighbors. This may just make it a decorating season they will never forget. Here are a few (not so) serious ways to annoy your neighbors. (Don’t try these at home, kiddies.)

1. Put up Halloween decorations: Red-nosed reindeer are so cliché. Why not bring Tim Burton’s “The Nightmare Before Christmas” to life by bringing the scary? Orange lights and blacks go great with a few inches of snow. Make some of those tombstones say “Here Lies Rudolph: It’s better to burn bright than to fade away” or “R.I.P. Frosty: Next time, don’t materialize in California.” You’ll get a huge laugh as the cars stop and look at your macabre tribute to the holidays.

2. Be seen from space: Everyone likes to go a little overboard on the light displays, but why not let the International Space Station use your home as a beacon? Your neighbors will not be applauding your Christmas spirit when their living room looks like noon at 10 p.m. Better yet, set the whole thing to music, so that everything flashes to the beat. Your neighbors will come out to see the electric sun you created as it flickers to “Silent Night.”

3. Blow up EVERYTHING: I have, on more than one occasion, decried my hatred of outdoor blow-up decorations, so if you want me to hate your house, then put about 15 of them in the front lawn. Buy up very style they have in stock and turn your front yard into a carnival of holiday horror. Frosty and Rudolph turning on a carousel or Santa Claus in a giant snow globe. You can’t really go wrong with a blow-up decoration. Why not mix it up and put some of those Halloween and Thanksgiving ones out there, too.

4. Music, music, music: Nothing says Christmas like “Deck the Halls” blaring from five speakers on your front porch. You can rattle with windows and set off car alarms, all while celebrating Christmas. Your neighbors will want everyone to know about your Christmas spirit, especially the police (and possibly even a lawyer or two).

5. Decorations? What decorations? If you really want to annoy all your neighbors, then just skip all the decorations this year. When the homeowners association or neighborhood leg-breakers come to your house and wonder why Frosty isn’t adorning your roof this year, just tell them you’ve got mono and can’t leave the house. If that doesn’t work, then say you are boycotting the commercialization of Christmas, and then come home with lots of shopping bags.

These are guaranteed to get you noticed in the neighborhood — and to get you put on Santa’s naughty list.

Image Source: flickr.com/photos/juliejigsaw/4182865901

Thanksgiving Food: Please, Avoid These Despicable Dishes

brock — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 18:06:52 +0000

I love the food on Thanksgiving. The desserts, turkey, stuffing, side dishes and more will make sure my scale is suddenly lost for at least two months. Unfortunately, there are those who try to bring the most putrid gelatinous crap to the dinner table and try to call it a side dish.

Some of these are Thanksgiving staples and others are from way out in left field, but none of them belong on the Thanksgiving dinner table.

1. Tofurky — I have a large amount of admiration for anyone that can give up eating meat for the sake of health or their beliefs. But I can’t do it. I love meat. I love tearing into a turkey smothered in gravy and then passing out on the couch for 15 days. The idea behind tofurky is that Satan needed a dish to corrupt the goodness of Thanksgiving. OK, so that’s not totally true. Vegetarians wanted to have the ability to experience Thanksgiving turkey without actually eating turkey, so they create a tofurky loaf out of blocks of tofu and seasoning. My first issue is anything that needs to be shaped to look like a turkey is just wrong. My second issue is I hate tofu and am generally against its very existence. It’s just creepy.

2. Jell-O fruit salad — I love fruit salad. Get a bunch of different fruits together, peel them and stick them in a bowl. When you add gelatin and a few marshmallows to the mix, you have perverted a healthy staple for the sake of adding a little color. The hostess has spent hours on the turkey and stuffing and many guests have spent a long time on apple pies and cookies. What is the purpose of a Jell-O fruit salad? Are you trying to convert fruit into a dessert by adding a little Jell-O? Fruit is good enough by itself, so don’t go adding sugary ground-up bones. UGH!

3. Canned cranberry sauce — I remember as a child going to my aunt’s and seeing this odd can-shaped red goop sitting on the table, and it remained untouched by human hands for the entire dinner. I have no problem with cranberry sauce; my problem is with the fact this goop comes out of the can and retains can shape. That just doesn’t occur naturally. That’s some Dr. Frankenstein stuff right there. You can slice and dice it, but it’s still a giant can of goo. I understand that with all the other things you are making for Thanksgiving dinner that you don’t want to add cranberry sauce to the homemade mix, but who actually eats this stuff, anyway? For all I know, this stuff could taste like ambrosia, because I have never had the guts to actually bite into it. If anyone has, please let me know if you survived the encounter without needing your stomach pumped.

4. Turducken — First of all, the first four letters spell turd. I know that people are going to come after me pitchforks for putting this on the list, but I am a Thanksgiving traditionalist. I like a turkey. I don’t want a de-boned chicken, shoved into a de-boned duck that is then shoved into a de-boned turkey. This could taste so good that it could make a pregnant women go into labor, but it’s still just plain wrong. If this occurred in nature, it would end up in a circus freak show and would be incredibly uncomfortable for the turkey. I don’t want to eat any substance that’s been shoved inside a turkey. I don’t even want stuffing shoved inside a turkey. Please don’t shove anything into anything else and then try to get me to eat it.

Thanksgiving is all about being thankful, but I can’t bring myself to consider these anything but abominations to the Thanksgiving tradition. Just give me a pile of turkey, gravy and mashed potatoes, with a little bit of stuffing if there is room left on the plate.

Image Source: flickr.com/photos/dainec/4136099201/

Trick or Treat: How to Throw a Halloween Party

brock — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 18:37:34 +0000

It’s that time of the year again folks when the freaks and demons come out of hiding to plague the living with sugary treats and popcorn balls. Halloween is a prime party holiday, but it is crucial to plan accordingly. One bad Halloween party and you will be blackballed from throwing one again and relegated to the proverbial punch provider. Here are the absolute steps needed to throw a successful Halloween party. I will have tips and tricks on all aspects of the Halloween season over the next several weeks.

1. Decide whether adult or all ages: It is imperative that the first decision you make is whether the party is for adults only or all ages. This decision can have a severe impact on every action hereafter. There are several reasons why this is important. It has an impact on if alcohol will be served, the kinds of games to play and the kind of costumes that are worn. If little Timmy sees Uncle Jimmy dressed up as Lady Godiva, the poor kid is going to need therapy for the rest of his life.

2. General costume or themed party: The easiest party to host is a general Halloween costume party because it doesn’t require special decorations and the guests have a limitless number of costume ideas, but as the party host you have little control of the costumes. This is generally fine unless you have friends that love to wear costumes that are a little too revealing, disgusting or just plain wrong. A themed costume party limit’s the costumes, but it also limits your decorating ability as well.

3. Think about the guest list: You have to keep in mind the capacity of the venue when deciding who to invite to your party. If you have a two-room efficiency, then inviting 200 people will likely get the cops called on you. Create an estimate of how many people you think the venue can fit and invite about 90 percent of that amount. You don’t want the party to be cramped, but you also have to expect that about 10-20 percent will not be able to come. Don’t forget to take into account any guests/dates that friends will likely bring and incorporate them into the figures.

4. Decorate the venue: Whether you are having the party at your home or at a rented venue, the place is going to need to be decked out in Halloween decorations. Many people have a tendency to downplay the decorations and focus on the party games, food, etc. thinking that the costumes will be enough, but that isn’t always the case. Halloween decorations, whether purchased or homemade, are an important aspect of the ambiance of a Halloween party. Don’t be afraid to break out the fog machine or dry ice.

5. Have fun: One of the most common mistakes party hosts make is that they are so caught up in the party upkeep that they forget to have any fun. Expect to have to be referee, emcee, DJ and waiter, but don’t forget to also take part in the events you plan and eat the food you cooked. You won’t want to host another party if you felt overwhelmed and exhausted at the last one.

This is just the first of many articles for the Halloween season, my favorite season, and this is just a taste of what is to come. By the time mid-October comes around, you’ll have so much decoration, party and general Halloween knowledge your friends will be blown away.

Image Source: flickr.com/photos/euart/282152605/sizes/s/in/photostream/

Get Ready for July 4th! Tips to Get Ready

brendan — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 17:50:01 +0000

As I’m sure that you know, this coming weekend is July 4th. I am super pumped. I love fireworks so much. I’m trying to decide if I want to brave the traffic to go to the firework show on the beach. I’ll probably end up going, though that traffic will be terrible.

If you haven’t done so already, now is the time to think about how to get your house full of all things red, white, and blue. If you are not currently displaying an American flag from your doorstep, this is a great time to start. You can get an American flag kit right here at smarter, with everything you need to display it outside.

I remember when I used to live in a small town in Pennsylvania, people used to get flag garland and drape it from the balustrades of their porches. It was a really simple, elegant, and beautiful way to express their excitement for the holiday. I may try to recreate that look with some flag garland of my own.

For the Fourth itself, you can always go for some flowers with red, white and blue in them. For instance, an arrangement of red roses, bluebells, and baby’s breath will make any room prettier (and more patriotic).

When you go out to view fireworks, make sure you have a nice large blanket to lay on. You probably want something that is either very washable, or that you don’t care about too much because the chances are pretty good that you will get some major grass stains.

Lawn chairs can make your viewing session more comfortable. Don’t carry too much stuff with you to your Fourth of July fireworks picnic, but some lightweight lawn chairs can make the waiting game more pleasant.

A simple dessert to take with you that is red, white, blue and delicious: strawberries, white chocolate chips, and blueberries. Make sure the strawberries and blueberries are sweet. Really ripe berries are so satisfying that they make marginal berries even more conspicuously awful.

If you have any tips for how we all should be decorating our homes, please share them with us! We’ve really only scratched the surface here, and of course there is so much we can do. At any rate, I hope your week gets off to a good start. The fourth is almost here!

The Grilling Guide for Memorial Day Weekend

brendan — Fri, 28 May 2010 17:08:07 +0000

So this weekend is memorial day weekend! Yay! For most people, that means doing something relaxing. Memorial Day is the start of the summer vacation season: All across the country, water parks are opening, grills are being dusted off, and sand is being tracked back from the beach to the house. What we’re going to figure out today is how to make sure your grill is in top grilling shape, and then throw some simple food ideas your way so you maximize your enjoyment of the brats and burgers you’ll be eating all summer long.

So the first question is what type of grill to use: charcoal or gas? I say gas every time. First of all, you have WAY more control over the heat. For example, if you decide to turn down the temperature on meat after searing it you can do it quite easily on a gas grill: it’s just a turn of the dial. With charcoal, you would have the difficult and dangerous task of trying to remove hot charcoal from a grill. (Please don’t try this, folks – you will hurt yourselves.) So basically, stick to gas if you can. You just have more control.

Other tips: let your meat marinade for longer, and add less marinade to the meats during cooking. Seriously – avoid having sugary or oily sauces added to the marinade in the middle of your cooking. The sugars or oils tend to burn, which is bad, and is totally different from a smoky flavor, which is delicious. Letting whatever you are grilling marinade longer–hopefully in something without too many sugars or oils will allow it to absorb the flavor without burning when you grill.

A common mistake you should avoid: don’t turn the meat with anything pronged (like a fork). This is like popping a water balloon: all the juices will flow out, and what you’re left with will be tough and rubbery. Turn the meat with tongs instead. To make sure you’re using the right equipment, pick up a grilling set. Your grilling results will be much better.

Finally, if you really want to go all out, get yourself a smoker. While the mere mortals down the street will grill some burgers, you will be making pulled pork sandwiches and other delicacies.

What do you think of these tips? Share what you think, and your own grilling tips, by posting below! I hope you have a great weekend! Don’t forget to have a salad with all of your burgers and hot dogs!

Image Source: flickr.com/photos/dnorman/476273000