Believe it or not, IÂ’m not a fashion guru. I have worn things out in public that have embarrassed my wife, children and even myself. I come from a long line of fashion donÂ’ts. Why didnÂ’t anyone tell me that navy blue and black donÂ’t match? I mean theyÂ’re practically the same color. 
There are some universal fashion faux pas that men make, and women chastise us for, on a regular basis. Here are five of the most common that even I have committed.
1. The Stain: Men like to eat things that are dripping with grease, mayo, ranch dressing and anything else that can clog an artery. Occasionally; oh, who am I kidding, almost every time; some type of toxic sludge will fall on our shirt or pants, creating a stain that even Superman couldnÂ’t get out. Women would throw out that shirt or pair of pants and hit the stores for that perfect replacement. Men like to spend their money on more important things like video games, power tools and gadgets with flashing lights. If the stain is on a dress shirt and can be hidden by a tie, weÂ’re golden. If not, then weÂ’ll actually spend time analyzing the color differences between the stain and the fabric to see if itÂ’s really that noticeable. If the stain is on pants, as long as it doesnÂ’t look like we wet ourselves, itÂ’s getting worn again.
2. The Shirt of Many Colors: Occasionally, even a forward-thinking man about town, such as myself, may get caught up in how cool a shirt looks on the rack, and forget about how good it looks on his body. Do you want to know a little secret? Men HATE trying things on. WeÂ’ll eyeball everything from shirts to pants so we donÂ’t have to try it on. Do you know why many men wear ill fitting clothes? We misjudged and are too embarrassed to take it back. Just like wild animals, men are attracted to shiny colors, and while in birds it may be a sign of virility and a quality worthy in a mate, most women think Hawaiian shirts areÂ…lame. Also, if itÂ’s comfortable and inexpensive, then odds are, weÂ’ll wear it, even if it looks like a rainbow got drunk and threw up on it.
3. Wrinkles schminkles: Between when I left home and when I moved in with my wife, I never folded anything. Most of the time, the clothes never made it out of the clothes hamper and sometimes they never even made it back to the clothes hamper. These practices cause wrinkles and you can see men in wrinkled shirts and pants walking everywhere in the office, department store and grocer completely oblivious. Why donÂ’t men care about wrinkles? They donÂ’t smell bad, discolor the fabric or cause cancer. If everyone wore their clothes wrinkled, then it would the norm. Think about that. Besides, after a couple days of wearing, the wrinkles just go away anyway.
4. We donÂ’t have time to match: When I wake up in the morning, I go to the shirt drawer or closet and grab. Then, I hit the pants drawer and grab. Odds are, I never even bothered looking at the color of the shirt, because my thoughts are occupied by the day ahead and what work is done or needs to be done. When I come downstairs, there is at least a 30 percent chance I look like a circus clown. HONK! HONK! My wife just shakes her head and points me back upstairs. It may take two or three tries, but eventually I come down in something resembling a matching outfit. On the days that I leave before my wife is up or vice versa, well, letÂ’s just say the circus comes to town.
5. Comfort is king: If it was socially acceptable, men would leave the house and go about their day in their underwear and t-shirt. IÂ’m not talking the good underwear we wear when we go to the in-laws either. I mean the holey ones where the elastic is shot and barely holding on. Why? ItÂ’s comfortable. Many women will torture themselves for the sake of looking good, whether that means wearing something uncomfortable or cutting off circulation to the extremities, because of a tight dress. Men wear things that are painted on as wellÂ…literally. WeÂ’d wear paint covered sweat pants to a five star restaurant if we could. Comfort will always win out over fashion for men. When we can find something that is comfortable and looks good, then everybody wins.
These fashion faux pas have been made by men for generations, and will be made for generations more. No matter how the clothes and styles change, men will always be men. My father would leave the house and walk to the mailbox in a pair of ratty tighty whiteys and as the years roll on, I feel my underwear radius slowly increasing as well. Give us a break ladies, we know we have a problem, but feel free to help us out. Your input is graciously appreciated.
Image Source: flickr.com/photos/icrontic/4062037566
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