Babies & Kids Blog

My daughter is two and literally has no impulse control. That’s totally normal for her age. Around age four or five you can start to expect a little more from your children as far and understanding cause and effect. I read an article that gives good pointers for helping your children develop self control and I wanted to share some of it with you:

DON’T: Tell your children they have done something wrong and arbitrarily punish them (lose a privilege like watching TV because of hitting a sibling). In this instance children only come to rely on others telling them what to do instead of learning about alternative acceptable behaviors that they can choose for themselves the next time (“I will ask mom for help with getting my toy back instead of hitting my sister”).

DO: Be flexible. Effective parents are constantly changing and adapting to who their child is. They tailor their parenting to meet the child’s needs. For example: If a 13-year-old is not very responsible, a responsive parent would not let that child babysit younger siblings, regardless of his age. They would help their child to learn more responsible behaviors so he can be left alone to babysit when he is ready.

DON’T: Tell your child you’re not interested in her excuses or explanations for why she has done something wrong. This gives children the message that their feelings are not important. You don’t have to agree with how your child is feeling, but you do need to respect that her feelings are real.

DO: Give your children a “feelings vocabulary.” Start as early as possible labeling their feelings for them. “I can see how upset you are.” “I bet that made you feel very angry?” “I can appreciate how frustrated you must be.” This way, as children expand their capacity for language they will have words to express themselves instead of acting out. They will also be able to tell how someone else is feeling as a result of their behavior: “I can tell by the look on my aunt’s face, she’s angry that I ate the whole bag of chips.” Perceiving how others are feeling about how they behaved will go a long way in helping children to problem solve.

DON’T: Constantly tell your children what to do. But don’t let them do whatever they want either. Children cannot learn about rules if their environment is so restrictive that they are not allowed to make mistakes they can learn from. Nor can they learn about rules if they have never been taught to follow them.

DO: Set limits, but allow your children input (as they get older) into what those limits might be and the consequences for not adhering to them. Children need lots of practice in making decisions about their behavior and opportunities to see the impact of those decisions from both their successes and their failures.

Read the whole article here.

image: homeschoolingaddkids.com

On Monday, Elisabeth Hasselbeck returned to The View after 10 weeks off with her newborn son Isaiah. She told a most hilariously embarrassing story:

“You know when your baby smiles for the first time … I reach for the iPhone — I had just been feeding him — and I took the photo,” she said. “He had this huge smile. Immediately I forward it to everyone on my family distribution list — my mom, my dad, my brother, Tim [Hasselbeck]’s dad, his brother, his mom, his other brother and I send it to myself. So I get home and open up the photo … Yeah, no wonder why he is smiling — because my nipple is in the photo!”

Eek! That would make me blush for sure. Every mom has an embarrassing story to tell from when they were adjusting to life with a newborn. My embarrassing story happened when my daughter was a few weeks old and our washer broke down. A very chatty repairman came over to fix it and I had not yet mastered the whole maternity bra-nursing pad thing yet. I was too polite to interrupt him when I felt myself get engorged, but the puddle I left at my feet pretty much said everything. I had to change clothes and clean the spillage up all with a bright red embarrassed face. He didn’t talk much after that!

What’s your embarrassing story?

We had a rough weekend at my house. My daughter turned two recently and it seems like overnight she’s become more and more difficult. Kicking, screaming, throwing herself on the floor. It’s exhausting. After she threw her cup from the dinner table, I raised my voice and said “STOP IT” and then put my head down on the table and sighed. My daughter became totally quiet for a moment and then said “Mama…no sad.” I felt terrible, like the worst parent in the world. When she went to bed I started looking around online for parenting advice and I came across a list of general tips that would help any parent. They are simple and to the point and I thought I would share them with you:

How can I be a good parent?

There’s not just one right way to raise children. And there’s no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child. But here are some guidelines to help your children grow up healthy and happy:

• Show your love. Every day, tell your children: “I love you. You’re special to me.” Give lots of hugs and kisses.

• Listen when your children talk. Listening to your children tells them that you think they’re important and that you’re interested in what they have to say.

• Make your children feel safe. Comfort them when they’re scared. Show them you’ve taken steps to protect them.

• Provide order in their lives. Keep a regular schedule of meals, naps and bedtimes. If you have to change the schedule, tell them about the changes ahead of time.

• Praise your children. When your children learn something new or behave well, tell them you’re proud of them.

• Criticize the behavior, not the child. When your child makes a mistake, don’t say, “You were bad.” Instead, explain what the child did wrong. For example, say: “Running into the street without looking isn’t safe.” Then tell the child what to do instead: “First, look both ways for cars.”

• Be consistent. Your rules don’t have to be the same ones other parents have, but they do need to be clear and consistent. (Consistent means the rules are the same all the time.) If two parents are raising a child, both need to use the same rules. Also, make sure baby-sitters and relatives know (and follow) your family rules.

• Spend time with your children. Do things together, such as reading, walking, playing and cleaning house. What children want most is your attention. Bad behavior is usually an attempt to get your attention.

Image: Baby Specialist

With school starting up again, many kids are feeling anxiety about making friends. If your children are switching schools this year, the anxiety can be extremely overwhelming. When I was a kid, you’d just step outside and whoever happened to ride their bike past your house became your friend. These days with so many “one person” forms of entertainment like the internet and video game systems it can be a little difficult to make friends. Here are my do’s and don’ts to help your kids start the new year school year with lots of new friends:

Do: Be a good role model. Show your child how important your friends are to you, and what you give and get from each other. Play games with your child that emphasize sharing, patience and other important skills for making friends.

Don’t: Push. If your child is shy, especially in new situations, give him or her some time to socialize at his or her own pace.

Do: Encourage your child to try a sport or other group activity. Doing things outside of school — like playing soccer or taking a pottery class — is another great opportunity for your child to make friends.

Don’t: Sign your child up for an activity that they are uninterested in or do not enjoy just for the social aspect.

Do: Help your child to seek out opposite sex friends. Having friends of both genders will help your child to be well rounded.

Don’t: Be surprised if your child greatly prefers the friendship of children their same gender. Elementary school aged children go through phases during which they are of the opinion that opposite sex kids are “gross”, etc. It’s normal, so don’t try and force anything on your kids.

Do: Try and watch him interact with other kids. You can learn a lot about your children by observing them around other kids with peers. Is your child bossy or aggressive? Discuss positive skills for building friendships.

Don’t: Expect too much from your child. Kids have very little impulse control. Don’t get too upset if you see your children acting wild around other kids.

Do: Teach your child to walk away, especially if his friend is being hurtful physically.

Don’t: Tell your children that they should “tough it out” or “hit back” if they are being hurt physically or emotionally.

Image: life123.com

At some point in every child’s life comes the moment when they must deal with the Green Eyed Monster: jealousy.  Whether thanks to a new sibling or a friend who’s playing with someone new, all children experience feelings of envy at one time or another.  While the behavior your child exhibits when in the grip of jealousy - which might range from tears to tantrums - may seem petty, the feelings underneath the surface are anything but.

When your child feels jealous, it is not because he is selfish or greedy; jealousy is about a fear of rejection.  When a favorite friend at the playground suddenly begins to play with someone new, your child may be afraid that he is no longer wanted, or will be lonely.  When this happens, it is best to reassure your child that he is not being rejected, and that sometimes their friends may wish to play with others - and will likely play with your child again soon.  You might try redirecting your child to another activity or spending some one-on-one time to help soothe his hurt feelings.  Whatever you do, try not to cast the other child in a negative light; after all, fostering an attitude of bitterness is never a good plan.

But what about a new sibling, or a new baby in the extended family?  Sometimes the arrival of a new - and very needy - member of the family can make an older child feel left out or pushed aside.  It is important to make sure your child has plenty of individual contact with her parents so that she knows she has not been “replaced” by the new baby.  Including your child in some of the baby care routine can help your child feel important, as well - even something as small as handing mom or dad a diaper or a blanket can help stem feelings of jealousy.

Handling jealousy in children can be tricky, but the key is to respect your child’s feelings as valid while helping them to remember that they are special, loved and wanted.  It definitely helps if the adults set the tone, so listen to yourself:  do you express envy over the neighbor’s new car, or a friend’s accomplishments?  If so, you may be inadvertently modeling jealousy to your kids.  It’s important to teach our children that they are wonderful as they are, and to be happy with what they have.

Image: howstuffworks.com

I read an article this morning from Time Magazine that explains what NOT to do to get your fussy little one to sleep.  The main strategies to avoid where:

• Staying with the child until he or she falls asleep
• Giving a child food or drink upon nighttime awakening
• Taking your child into your bed when they can’t sleep

It seems to me that a lot of parents use these strategies, but read the entire article here to see why you might want to avoid these and try another way especially as your child grows older.