I can’t say that I’ve been disappointed by being the mom of three boys, and it’s certainly not boring – ever. There’s always one or three little boys building forts in the dining room or making mischief everywhere else.

I’ve learned a lot from being a “boy mom” over the years, like:

#1: Bodily functions are worthy of announcement
#2: Bugs are fascinating and cool, NOT ugly, gross or disgusting
#3: What I previously understood to be blankets and robes are really capes and “ghost clothes”
#4: Purses are the perfect places for carrying rocks, weird sticks and other boy treasures
#5: Everything in my kitchen doubles as a musical instrument
#6: Puddles are just like mini swimming pools
#7: Peanut butter creates magnificent refrigerator art…sans paper
#8: Maxi pads absorb a lot of toilet water and the adhesive backs make them fantastic decorations in lieu of stickers
#9: High heels are perfect for digging in household plants
#10: Taping one’s face with Scotch tape always provides at least 20 solid minutes of entertainment
#11: Superheroes are as real as Santa…who is also completely and undeniably real
#12: Mud pies may “look yummy,” but shockingly are “not yummy”

This, of course, is only a partial list of mom-knowledge attained by years of chasing my munchkins around. I’m sure in ten years, I’ll be able to share a top 100 list, and every lesson will be its own wild adventure.

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The other day, we were out with our three boys for a day of shopping. Not cool shopping. Keeping-our-ever-growing-kids-clothed shopping. It had been a long trip, and the mall food court smells were weakening our wills, so we stopped for a snack at the pretzel stand. The hubz ordered the drinks first and handed them to me to pass out while he waited for the pretzels.

This is where the powers kicked in.

I wrangled three boys (5 years and under) over to a table, wiped it off with a sanitizer wipe (that I’ve learned to keep in my pocket), sat them down, removed all their coats, freed three straws from three wrappers, squeaked them all into their cups, broke up two arguments over touching elbows and dropped coats, chatted with an acquaintance who was passing by, and cleaned hands… all in the minute and a half that it took for daddy to grab the pretzels and walk to the table.

None of this seemed out of the ordinary to me, but to the elderly couple at the next table, you’d think I’d just saved 50 people from a burning building.

“Wow, honey. I had two kids and couldn’t have done what you just did. You’re like Wonder Woman.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle, “All in a day’s work, ma’am,” with my hands on my hips.

It got me to thinking about how remarkable moms really are.

• We invented multitasking.
• We can carry a car seat, diaper bag and two bags of groceries while talking on the phone AND still managing to turn doorknobs.
• We “know” exactly where everyone in our family left their stuff.
• We can relieve pain with our kisses.
• We can remember every member of our families’ phone numbers, anniversaries and birthdays.
• We can sense when our kids are being naughty.
• Even without medical training, we can diagnose just about any kid ailment on the planet.
• We can help with homework we don’t even understand ourselves.
• We can decipher primitive baby languages.
• We can hear past our family’s words and understand deeper messages.

The list really has no end. There’s only one clear explanation: Moms are superheroes!

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My son, Ky, is 5 years old, but I’m pretty sure there’s a 25-year-old comedian hiding somewhere in that tiny, blond, blue-eyed boy. Every day, he says something that just leaves the hubz and I in fits of laughter. Here’s an example:

The other day, I gave each of my kids some raisins with their dinners. My oldest and youngest gobbled them right up, before anything else, but when my middle child, Jax, was finished eating, the only thing left on his plate was the pile of raisins. Fair enough. The boy didn’t want raisins. No big deal.

I turn to Ky, who is slowly, with complete exaggeration, chewing his grilled chicken. So, I ask, “How’s your food?”

“Ohhhhh… it’s okayyyy. (Sigh) It’s just chicken.”

Then, he noticed Jax’s untouched raisins. His eyes lit up like Christmas morning. “I see Jax didn’t eat his raisins,” he said shaking his head, but not hiding his excitement very well.

“Yeah,” I said, “It would be a shame to waste them. I bet your brother wouldn’t mind if you ate his raisins. He doesn’t like them the way you do.”

Kyan hops out of his chair before I even finish speaking. Not to be ill-mannered, he walks to the kitchen door, where Jax is now battling invisible dragons with a pot lid and plastic ladle. “Jax, can I have your raisins? You didn’t eat them… again,” he said shaking his head as if he were super disappointed in Jaxon’s wasteful behavior… again.

Jax, far too busy to form actual words, replies with growls and sneers. After all, he was fighting a dragon. How could he be concerned with raisins at a time like that?

Kyan, ever the sarcastic mom-clone, says, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

My husband and I couldn’t stifle our uproarious laughter. The kid’s a pistol, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

What has your pint-sized comic said today?

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And then, as if they know where your head is at, your kids do something that melts your heart and brings you perspective. They may make you crazy, but they’re totally innocent. I had one of those moments yesterday.

It’s freezing cold and snowy in Northern Illinois right now, and as luck would have it, a pipe broke, flooded our basement and took out our furnace over the weekend. Good times. So, after spending a couple days in a motel, we came back home to a heated house with no water.

My mom called to check in on the repair progress, and in true kid fashion, my 5-year-old shared his most pressing concern: “Grandma, I have to poop in a baby potty, because we can’t flush the toilet. I’m not a baby anymore. I’m a big boy.”

My mom, trying to make him feel better, said, “Maybe Handy Manny will come and fix your water.” My son got a stern, are-you-kidding-me look on his face and replied, “Handy Manny can’t fix it. He’s not real. He lives in the TV. Maybe Santa can fix it.”

My mom, taken aback by the statement said, “We’ll just have to pray that God helps you all in a hurry.”

This must have been reasonable to the little man, because his response was, “Yeah, Grandma, we’ll have to pray for God to help Santa fix the water.”

It’s instances like this that remind me that even when he’s pushed me to the brink of insanity, he’s still a sweet, innocent little boy who believes in miracles and fantasy.

When you’re caught up in the midst of that “she’s looking at me” moment and answering the same question for the billionth time, remember these little moments and savor them. They’re what you signed on for.

Image Source: flickr.com/photos/eyeliam/3070278116

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4. Barney from “Barney” — So, your child, who happens to be gifted at overacting, is playing out in the park, when suddenly, an adult-sized dinosaur shows up and starts singing about loving your kid. Barney just looks like a felon with his giant chin and weird teeth. He likes to play imagination and dress up. Something tells me that when the kids leave, off goes the fireman costume and in comes a nice pair of pumps, because it makes him feel pretty.

3. Every character in “Dirtgirlworld” — This is a show about a young girl in her own little world. She spends her days tending her garden and talking to bugs and some dude named Scrapboy, which I’m pretty sure is an alias. All the characters are a mix of computer animation and real features. The main characters, Dirtgirl and Scrapboy, have human eyes, noses and mouths, and the other characters have real faces and computer generated bodies. When I first saw this show, it took me about three hours to wash the creep out.

2. Rosie from “Caillou” — Rosie is Caillou’s little sister and is more annoying than her brother, if that’s even possible. While Caillou is out imagining how his life would be different if he were a chicken or some other odd animal or job position, poor Rosie is just kind of sitting there. I am sure this little girl is getting more than just a smidgen angry at constantly being a second banana to her bald big brother. My guess is, Rosie’s teen years are going to be a tumultuous blend of dark eye shadow, emo music and getting into fights at school.

1. Mickey Mouse from “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” — Right, now you’re thinking, How can I place a childhood icon on the list with such reprobates as DJ Lance? Two words: Super Ego. In his world, everything revolves around Mickey. The lakes are shaped like Mickey Mouse, his house is shaped like Mickey Mouse and even common everyday objects are shaped like Mickey Mouse. What do you think would happen if Donald Duck one day said, Hey, Mickey, can we shape a lake after my head this time? Mickey would snap and go a rampage, creating mouse-shaped carnage throughout the land. Oh, Mickey, you are NOT so fine.

Image Source: flickr.com/photos/jenrab/3717409341

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“The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents.” ~John J. Plomp

Like so many similar quotes and full-blown comedy routines, it’s funny, because it’s true.

We, as parents, often get frustrated, because we’re just plain exhausted. In the midst of diaper changes, baseball games, bath time routines and no less than a kajillion other parenting responsibilities, we forget that we’re human, and more importantly, a couple.

The other day, I was talking to another mom about life before children and was shocked to realize, I couldn’t honestly remember what it was like. A blur of dinners out, spontaneous trips to the movies and sleeping in on Sunday mornings flashed before my eyes, but it all seemed like ancient history. Was that even really my life?

These days, reality looks a little something like this:

• The last time I went out to dinner with my husband was on our 10 year wedding anniversary, 8 months ago. We had all three of our young sons with us. Candlelight and romantic ambiance were back-burnered for a raggedy, vinyl-seated booth at a 50’s style diner in the local mall. By the time I’d broken up my toddler’s French fries and bbq sandwich, given my baby his bottle and my husband had reminded our energetic 4-year-old that “food is for eating, not decorating” a hundred-or-so times, our dinners were cold and it was time to pack it in.

• The hubz and I haven’t sat together inside of a movie theater since New Year’s Eve, 2008. It was a Christmas gift from our family to have three uninterrupted hours to ourselves. Best. Present. Ever.

• Sleeping in on Sunday would mean that neither of us would see 7am. To even approximate a guess of when such a luxurious occasion last took place would be an exercise in sheer imagination.

So, anyway, not even an hour after my friend and I had this conversation, which by the way, her story sounds nearly identical to mine, another blogger-mom tweeted the link to this video:

Again, it’s funny, because it’s true. Identify much?

I’m not sharing this story, because I’m sniffing around for pity-party. In fact, my motivation is quite the opposite.

I embrace my life, just the way it is. I admit, there are times when I daydream about getting away for a few hours (with my husband) in the spirit of enjoying each other‘s company without shirt tugs and “Mommy I pooped,” declarations. Those crazy notions are quickly replaced with the comforting knowledge that this chaotic family-life was all a part of our plan. This is the life we dreamed of. No, seriously, it is.

We’ve learned to start family traditions that include our children, rather than blow 30 hard-earned buckaroonies on 3 or 4 hours of babysitting. Then, after the kids are tucked in for the night, we have time alone to play cards, watch a poorly-scripted zombie flick or chat about where our lives are headed and what our next big goal should be.

The parenting life may not be as carefree and spur-of-the-moment as the pre-curtain-climber days, but it’s every bit as wonderful, if not more. Recharging as a couple isn’t about dancing all night or pretending to have a decent singing voice at the local karaoke bar. It’s about being grateful for what you have and relishing shared moments with the person that you’ve chosen to create a life with.

“When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses.” ~Joyce Brothers

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Celebrities sure don’t hesitate when it comes to, ummm, getting creative. From fruits to flowers to spices, Apple, Peaches Honeyblossom, Dandelion, Poppy Honey, Safron Sahara, and Thyme are pretty sweet names. Plenty of parents use city names, Brooklyn, Memphis, Ireland, Indiana, Paris…but travel and destination are also themes used, including Journey, Rocket, Ocean, Mars Merkaba, and Heaven. Not weird enough for you? Here are some that top my list of “they named their kid whaah??” Audio Science, Banjo, Blanket, Blue Angel, Fifi Trixibell, Ikhyd, and Tabooger.

If a family does have a unique last name, some have been known to have fun with it and combine it with a clever first name. Take Bill and Moya Lear of Lear jet fame. They named their daughter Shanda. Former governor of Texas, James Steven Hogg, named his daughter Ima.

Oh, and it turns out that “Nosmo King” was not a real name, but used as a stage name by actor H. Vernon Watson in the early ’20s.

Image Source: flickr.com/photos/kaatje/243834320

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The big game is this Sunday, so get your family ready. Your son or daughter will be the absolute life of the party. I mean: what’s cooler than a kid in adorable sports gear? An HDTV? A beer pong tournament? A halftime show? My answer: none of the above. Your kids are babies only once, so make the most out of their cuteness!

Don’t forget to check Smarter for your baby sports gear!

Image Source: flickr.com/photos/bibbit/4303221798, flickr.com/photos/snorp/2918694162

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