Moms tell their children “I love you” so often that by the time the little ones are 8 or 9 years old, their usual response is an eyeroll and an “I know. You say it all the time.”
While this reaction isn’t exactly a mother’s ideal, it’s confirmation that you’re expressing your feelings frequently, and they’ll carry that on to their children some day. It’s the mushy mom circle of life… and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Yet, it’s still nice to hear “I love you, too.” Hearing your pint-sized cutie say those words is one of the perks that every blurry-eyed mom fantasizes about as she delivers feedings in the middle of the night for the first six months of motherhood.
If you’re still waiting for that moment, or feel as though you aren’t hearing it enough, then listen, and look, a little closer. The concept of love is pretty complex, and just because your child doesn’t understand what the words mean just yet, he or she knows the feeling in his heart and expresses it quite frequently.
For example, have you ever been sad about something when your kids are around? What was their reaction? They ran right to you, didn’t they? I stubbed my toe once. Yow… instant, uncontrollable waterworks. I was shocked by how fast my boys were at my side. “Are ‘kay?” Then came the hugs. Even my youngest, who was maybe 18 months old, was all nuzzled in until I felt better.
Showing you that they love you with hugs and physical affection is usually their first and most frequent “I love you” until they’re about 4 or 5. Until then, the words and the emotion haven’t quite fit together in their heads completely. They understand the phrase is an affectionate expression, because of the tone you use and the hug and kiss that often accompanies it, but it’s still a complex concept.
They may verbally show affection through different and often funny phrases, too. My middle guy is 3, and until recently, if I told him, “I love you,” then he’d respond, “You too, Mom.” Now, he’s saying the phrase, but only in response. If he’s initiating the conversation, then he usually says something bizarre and completely hilarious, but accompanies it with a hug or kiss. Yesterday, out of absolutely nowhere, he ran to me and said, “Merry Christmas, Cowboy!” and gave me a huge bear hug. To someone else, it would have sounded like the ramblings of an insane person, but I knew what he meant.
If you’re still waiting eagerly to hear those little words, then be patient. They’ll come. Meanwhile, pay attention to your child’s behavior and the the way that he or she says things to you. If you look past the words, then you’ll be surprised by how often they show you affection.
So, the next time he’s cuddling in or staring into your eyes, this is what he’s really saying:
How do your kids tell you they love you?
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