In my home, my husband and I share equal responsibility in keeping the house running and our family fed. There’s no such thing as “woman’s work” or “man’s work.” He doesn’t “hunt and gather” while I stay home and play Donna Reed around the house. When the hubz and I got married we made a conscious decision to share everything and we’ve been doing things
that way ever since.
Now that we have children, all of whom are boys, we’re hoping to set an example for them. Our goal is to have well-rounded, little men, who will grow up to see past gender-based cliches and share the everyday chores with their wives as partners. They’re as used to seeing their dad cook dinner as they are watching me doing simple plumbing or car maintenance.
In addition to the way we run the home together, the boys see that both of us have careers as writers. Because we both work from home, we take turns sitting in the home office “paying the bills,” while the other tends to family matters. This is important to us for two reasons:
• Having a double income keeps dinner on the table and a roof over our heads
• In a house where the male to female ratio is four to one, we don’t want the kids to see mom as “just a mom,” but as a woman with dreams and aspirations, who works hard both around the house and at her career
To further drive the point home, we’ve maintained a playroom that reflects our particular lifestyle. Since my first son was born, we’ve made an effort to collect all sorts of toys and activities that are appropriate for every child. We don’t discriminate between “boy toys” and “girl toys” when it comes to trucks and dolls. It’s just as likely to walk into our boys’ playroom and seeing them cooking in their kitchen area or rocking a “baby,” as it is to see them playing with action figures and dump-trucks.
While we definitely promote equality between the sexes in our home, we do draw the line when it comes to ultra-femininity. Our kids’ dress up wardrobe is geared towards boys, with options like cowboys and firefighters, rather than ballerinas and princess attire. And no matter how badly they want “pink toes” like mom, I won’t polish their nails when I do mine. Instead, I trim them up and tell them that nail polish is for girls.
This may seem to be hypocritical to some, but our goal as parents is to blur the line between gender roles, not gender identity. Children aren’t born with a natural sense of “that’s boy stuff” and “this is girl stuff.” They make these associations after being taught what’s appropriate in our culture, both by being told and day-to-day observations. My little guys are too young to understand all the complexities of social stigmas, and it’s our job as parents to guide them.
What’s good for one family isn’t always good for every family. It’s important to my husband and me that we show our children that women and men have an equal partnership in marriage. We believe that it not only promotes their respect for me, but women in general, and someday, their wives.
Image Source: flickr.com/photos/florencia123/344538263
About jessi
