There are so many beautiful things to share about the world, but there’s undeniable ugliness, too. Sooner or later, we all have to have difficult discussions with our children. Life isn’t 
always rainbows and lollipops, and it’s our (not so awesome) duty to help our children prepare for tough situations and let them know what we think is an appropriate reaction to these issues.
Topics like sex, drugs, bullying, death, violence, alcohol, and bigotry can pop up at any time, in one form or another. Kids see the world through innocent eyes and when they see something they don’t understand, their reactions can be unpredictable.
The best thing you can do for you child is have open, honest conversations with him early on, not only when he has questions, but as opportunities arise. For instance, if you’re watching a movie and a kid’s getting bullied, take a second to discuss what’s happening.
Ask if he’s ever seen anything similar before. Don’t be surprised if he’s got a lot to say about it, even if he’s only 8 years old. Kids see a lot more than we think. When he’s finished, ask how it makes him feel and how he’d deal with the situation. Talk to him about how you’d handle it and what you think is appropriate.
Unfortunately, bullying isn’t the only thing we have to talk to our children about. Here are some tips on how to talk about tough topics with your kids.
Talk to them early. There’s no time like the present. Spend some little moments whittling away at the big issues in terms that are appropriate for his age.
Start the conversation. Don’t wait for a topic to come up. Taking the initiative has two major benefits; it shows him you truly care about the things you’re saying, and you’ll have time to prepare, so you’re not taken off guard by an uncomfortable conversation.
Ask questions. Without sounding accusatory, ask what he knows about the topic already. His answers will help you gauge how to communicate on his level.
Listen. Listening is just as important as speaking. He may have had more exposure to some tough situations than he even realizes. If you’re listening to him now, without judgment, he’ll feel more comfortable talking to you in the future, whether it’s about girl problems or something much deeper. He’ll feel like you’re on his side.
Save the lecture. The quickest way to close a kids ears, is to preach. Make sure you’re keeping the discussion conversational. You’re talking with him, not at him.
Be honest. Speak from the heart. Children have an innate gift of knowing when someone is insincere. If he thinks you’re blowing smoke up his rear, he won’t take you seriously.
Admit ignorance. The world keeps changing around us, and no one is sending parents the memo. If he brings something up that you’re unfamiliar with, tell him that. Offer to look into it and get back to him, or better yet, grab the laptop, and look it up together.
Use examples. Most people learn better with some sort of anecdotal reference, including children. Think of a way to get your point across by sharing an experience of yours, someone you know, or something you’ve seen on a movie or TV.
Know when to back off. If you see that he’s getting especially uncomfortable, try approaching the conversation in a different way. If that doesn’t work, stop and talk about it again later. It’s important to talk about things that are uncomfortable for both of you, but you don’t want it to be traumatic either.
Don’t use scare tactics. Resist the urge to say, “If you have sex, you’ll get herpes.” While we both know, it’s a possible consequence, sooner or later, he’s going to find out, the cause and effect you handed him wasn’t quite true. You’ve just lost credibility. Instead, discuss the risks, like pregnancy and STDs.
Visit the topic again. Don’t just say, “Whew, talked about marijuana. Done.” and then never talk about it again. As much as I’d like to say you can check it off your to-do list, it simply isn’t so. Your kids need to be reminded that you care about what’s going on in their worlds and your expectations haven’t changed.
Parenting is the hardest job anyone can take on. There are so many times we’d like to hide under the covers and wish them to just “know” what we need them to know. Sadly, the ostrich head-in-the-sand approach doesn’t breed well-prepared children. These discussions are difficult, but the message is important – “I love you. I’m here for you. And I want the best for you.”
Image Source: flickr.com/photos/midwestkimchee/471988885
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