Using Toys to Teach Kids How to Share

It’s been really interesting to watch my one year old learn to interact with other kids. In particular, other kids and their various positioning in their families. For example, her cousin is a mere two months her junior, and the youngest of three children. When these two girls interact, although they are still so young, they already have very different responses to “sharing.” Mine, being (so far) an only child, thinks that all toys belong to her. She seems to not understand why another kid would be trying to play with “her toy,” even if we are not at home. Her cousin, growing up with two brothers, is already learning that if she wants the toy, she had better grab it quick and hold on tight. Naturally, sharing is not an easy concept to a couple of toddlers.

We can teach our girls how to share are with toys we have like dice games and tool sets.  The dice are all essentially the same toy, but in different colors. With several very similar toys, we encourage them that “if you want the pink and orange dice, then you need to share the green and purple dice.” Play-Doh and crayons use the same concept for learning to share, although our little ones are still in the “that looks pretty enough to eat” phase. The tool set, (keep in mind that there are two older boys that our daughters are getting hand-me-downs from,) is an opportunity for them to play together while learning to interact in the same space. When they get bigger, a Play Kitchen will be more girly.

Since sharing is such a foreign concept to growing minds, we try to explain what it is through example. They still don’t understand that “sharing” doesn’t mean “giving,” and that they will get their toy back. If the toy belongs to the other child, we are working toward our daughter appreciating the sharing from her playmate. As parents, we work to set a good example and blatantly share with lots of “please” and “thank you’s”. For example, we share our snacks both with each other and with our daughter. Then we say things like “It’s so nice when we share” to help her understand what sharing means.

Many articles recommend to allow (pre-school aged) kids who can’t agree with sharing to try to work out their own conflicts. They will likely be able to find something to agree on and the playing will continue.  If there is no common ground to be found, a parent can step in. This can be a chance to teach empathy by saying “how would you feel if your friend did not share?” If the item in question is something that the other child will not give up, recognize that it may be a special toy to that child. We can say “This must be a special toy to your friend. How about if you go find another toy to play with?” At that age, a child can understand having a favorite item.

Speaking of which, as she develops an attachment to some toys, there will be things that our girl will not want to share. That’s ok. When she gets a little older, before a playdate, we can go through her toys and pick out anything special that she doesn’t want to share. Those toys can be put up. This then becomes a great time to find other toys that she will gladly share.  This can help her get excited about how she and her playdate can interact with the toy and the fun the other kid’s can have too.

Once a kid learns to share, they can get very excited about it. They will look forward to playdates and opportunities to grow the fun.

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