It seems that every parenting magazine that arrives in my mailbox has a blurb about dealing with sibling rivalry. It’s no wonder, as this is something that kids with siblings go through every day.
While we have only the one so far, I can vouch for being a sibling and holding my own with rivalry. My little brother is 2 years my junior, and it was never fair that everything I had to wait until a certain age to do, he got to do 2 years younger. Plus, we are both competitive and brought a challenge into everything to be better than the other. We were both ski bums, and could never let the other one take the bigger, faster, crazier run down the hill. We fought like cats and dogs, putting holes into walls and splitting lips. We would vie for our parent’s attention and did all that we could to 
be the favorite. Through it all, we have become the best of friends. Somehow, my parents did it without all of the help of the social websites at their fingertips.
All siblings will face that rivalry on some level. There are many things that cause sibling rivalry. Age differences mean that they may or may not play together. Boys and girls have different abilities and approaches. All kids develop at various paces. Even position in the family, (oldest, middle, youngest,) can affect how siblings relate. Often, kids just don’t know how to respond to these struggles, and act out by verbally taunting, yelling or hitting. Keep Kids Healthy said we should start by asking our kids, “What can we do when we are angry with our brother or sister?” and then give them the tools to properly deal with their frustrations.
We can teach our kids to use their words. Not in an abusive way, but in a constructive way toward changing the situation. According to Keep Kid’s Healthy, “Teach your child to say, ‘I feel angry! I don’t like this! We need to change the way things are happening!’ Speaking words that identify feelings releases those feelings in a healthy way and begins the child on the road to a problem solving perspective.” We should also teach them to step back before they react. This is a tool they will use in life many times over. They will learn not to react based on feelings but to step away and react based on the situation as a whole.
Our responses as parents can either aggravate or alleviate the situation as well. Our kids watch how we fight and make up. Set a good example. The Child Development Institute had some great pointers. Don’t compare children to one another, saying things like “your brother always got his homework done before dinnertime.” Don’t dismiss the child’s feelings, either. Just because they are little doesn’t mean that their feelings are not legitimate : use these times to help kids understand their emotions so they can learn how to deal with them. As far as possible, allow children to work out their situation on their own, but don’t hesitate to intervene so that each child’s perspective is understood. These are all steps that can teach a child not only to get along with their brothers or sisters, but also how to interact with people throughout life.
Of course, the sibling in me at times still wants to respond to my brother with a solid slug in the gut, but then he will say something to make me laugh and it’s all over. Hopefully these tips can help siblings get through those times and come out the best of friends!
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