Jealousy: Help for Parents
At some point in every child’s life comes the moment when they must deal with the Green Eyed Monster: jealousy. Whether thanks to a new sibling or a friend who’s playing with someone new, all children experience feelings of envy at one time or another. While the behavior your child exhibits when in the grip of jealousy - which might range from tears to tantrums - may seem petty, the feelings underneath the surface are anything but.
When your child feels jealous, it is not because he is selfish or greedy; jealousy is about a fear of rejection. When a favorite friend at the playground suddenly begins to play with someone new, your child may be afraid that he is no longer wanted, or will be lonely. When this happens, it is best to reassure your child that he is not being rejected, and that sometimes their friends may wish to play with others - and will likely play with your child again soon. You might try redirecting your child to another activity or spending some one-on-one time to help soothe his hurt feelings. Whatever you do, try not to cast the other child in a negative light; after all, fostering an attitude of bitterness is never a good plan.
But what about a new sibling, or a new baby in the extended family? Sometimes the arrival of a new - and very needy - member of the family can make an older child feel left out or pushed aside. It is important to make sure your child has plenty of individual contact with her parents so that she knows she has not been “replaced” by the new baby. Including your child in some of the baby care routine can help your child feel important, as well - even something as small as handing mom or dad a diaper or a blanket can help stem feelings of jealousy.
Handling jealousy in children can be tricky, but the key is to respect your child’s feelings as valid while helping them to remember that they are special, loved and wanted. It definitely helps if the adults set the tone, so listen to yourself: do you express envy over the neighbor’s new car, or a friend’s accomplishments? If so, you may be inadvertently modeling jealousy to your kids. It’s important to teach our children that they are wonderful as they are, and to be happy with what they have.
Image: howstuffworks.com
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